Marriage Is What Brings Us Together Today
"Married & bored or single & lonely" -Chris Rock
So I read conservative/libertarian bloggers DADvocate and Dr. Helen because (among other reasons) they keep up with many issues concerning male psychology & education that are kind of glossed over in the MSM. This week, a nerve was touched concerning the issue of Marriage.
DADvocate started it up by asking: To Date or Not To Date? While there may be those of you out there who read this and say "well that's just crazy talk," you may not want to brush concerns like these off too quickly. This wrenchingly candid article points to something all too important: who has the power in social relationships? Though the point is made most easily on economic terms, "After my last divorce I successfully made a concerted effort to be fully independent financially and otherwise. I've worked too hard to risk what I've earned," what strikes me is the necessary evil of making calculations such as those when choosing whom to spend time with socially.
Once you've taken into account looks and personality and compatability, you must now calculate how badly you could be injured should this thing turn the wrong way. I know I take those considerations into account, even when dating casually.
Don't get me wrong, I don't agree that the entire system of justice is turned against men when it comes to divorce & domestic violence. You're always going to get skewed results and interpretations of the law when either attorneys or the police have to play the role of the referree. But in a nation such as ours, the perception of justice is of pronounced importance, and it should shock you that reasonable folks believe - because of their or their friends' experiences with the system - that the scales of justice are tilted against them.
These same thoughts touched off a storm of commentary when Dr. Helen picked it up. She wonders if marriage is a good deal for men at all this day and age. She continues the thread by wondering why society views men in such a negative light.
Maybe I'm just lucky not to have lived through some awful experiences with marriage, as evidenced by my family values opinions, but for every marriage I know of that has ended in absolute disaster for the man, woman and kids, I know of at least three others that stuck it out and made it work. (Not to say the ones that 'made it work' were without an entirely different set of issues...) That ratio just keeps going up as I get older and more of my friends get married. Maybe I'm just lucky, or maybe folks my age saw the destructive power of awful relationships and actually learned from those mistakes (and either married well or haven't married) of the past.
Read some of this stuff with an open mind (and the comments on the blogs I have linked to) and think about it. Our cultural perceptions of the family are far, far more important than any silly things said by the Sheehans and the Robertsons of the world.