Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Satan...

...boring?.

It takes some serious shenanigans to get rid of the Prince of Darkness, or -if you don't get rid of him- make him look like a tool. Especially on his day. I guess it really says something about American popular culture when the advertising machine can run Little Horn into the ground, hunh? Either that, or American culture is now soo desensitized, it takes something more that the Great Corruptor to make us look up from our morning coffee. Lies, corruption, entropy, eternal damnation? So last year.

That's right all you horn-throwing-metal-heads! This is what it feels like to have your big day overcommercialized, just like Christmas and Easter and Thanksgiving. You know what they got now? Devil's Night Greeting Cards! (How prescient that line was...) The Antichrist is one step away from showing up on the cover of People Magazine, doing the soul-wrenching interview where he tries to redefine himself as the Anti-Dr. Phil.

Here's some good readin' about this. I laughed out loud. A teaser: Six reasons the Devil is lame:
1. The Omen
2. Slayer & Deicide (sorry, SAWB)
3. David Lee Roth
4. The Church of Satan
5. AFI
6. Ann Coulter ("In my rich fantasy life I envision her being kidnapped and taken on tour with Deicide, where they make her work the T-shirt and sticker table.")

I haven't even been able to stop laughing as I type this.

"The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist." (-Kaiser Soze)

Yeah, and then American pop culture brought him back, scrubbed him behind the ears and made him a marketing icon on the same level as Ronald McDonald. Way to go, evil!

3 comments:

Laddi said...

Be it me who bringeth rain to the sunshine of Devil Day. Behold I give you the REAL number of the beast (I kid you not)...

6 1 6

666 should be on its way obsolescence, like steam trains, jousting, and bayonettes. Or maybe it's like Levi's jeans, I guess you just have to search for the right fit for you. "Mind you, if [Christians] do switch to 616 being the number of the beast then we'll start using that."

666 ... 616 ... Heckfire, what's next? 161? 227? How could it be this wrong for this long? What are the Satanists to do? They're already 5 days late, though they're trying to make good on that dollar.

S.A.W.B. said...

Deicide blows, we all know that. Slayer knows the 'satanist' thing is a good joke, and has sold a lot of records and other assorted merchandise over the years.

If you really want to get into bands making money on the 'satanic' thing, point your radar to Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, Venom, and most amusingly, KISS.

Go ask Gene Simmons how many more records he sold in the 70's because the league of overwrought parents came up with an acronym for the KISS Army.

Remember, I'm celebrating today because it gets under the collective skin of the right-wing nutjobs that are driving conservatism into the ground.

Dante said...

No wonder the perception of Satan is lame. Why would Satan care about the date according to the Roman calendar? Furthermore, why would he care that they way we commonly denote a Roman date resembles the mark of the beast? Did he care that time I got $5 of gas, an RC Cola and a Zagnut bar and the total came to $6.66? Did he care that I just wrote "$6.66"? Ooh, I wrote it again. Did he care about that? This is almost as silly as when the Red and Black asked one of the Jewish campus groups if they thought anything religiously significant would happen in the year 2000.

Interestingly enough, this happens to be my wife's birthday. I was thinking of taking her to the movies but I think I'll pass.

And not that it matters with a movie that old but I think you meant to attribute that quote to Verbal Kint. No since in ruing anything for anyone who hasn't seen that movie yet.