Tales from New Orleans
Yeah, you read the title right. One thing I need to do is start writing this stuff down so I never forget it. Those readers who know me know many of the epic stories I tell - the legends of Creswell Hall at UGA, an Island City childhood, however many stories and parables I tell that begin "so, me and my friends were drunk and..."
This one may only be funny to me, but it is worth recounting.
Yesterday, word came through the grapevine that one (probably former) co-worker and her friend had been down at Harrah's casino in downtown New Orleans. Playing the slots, these two (or three, the actual number of participants wasn't clear to me, the new guy) had hit the "Tower of Power" and won $250,000+.
Yup. If I'm Lyin' I'm Dyin'.
Though it was first recieved as a joke, the news began to trickle in that, no, this was the really real thing. At which point the staff began to offer congratulations and discuss what, exactly, each one of us would do with a quarter of a million dollars.
In the kitchen, many ideas were toyed with. One co-worker decided that he would come to work, driving a Cadillac. This was met with nodding approval from the staff.
But it was where the idea evolved that was funny: Then it was two Cadillacs, one older one newer, with a cheap import car for commutes and the toting of band equipment. Then he decided it would be one Caddy, with $10,000 rims, and "if I've got $10,000 rims, you can't wait to see my teeth." The stream of conciousness development, and serious consideration, of this thesis was beginning to take its toll on the kitchen's composure, but it didn't stop there.
When the obvious con position was alluded to, that the individual lived in a neighborhood where $10,000 rims might not remain in one's possessiong long, this co-worker solved his home security solutions by claiming that if he had won a quarter million dollars playing the slot machines at Harrahs, he "would keep his shiny new Cadillac with $10,000 rims safe every single night by hiring a midget sniper to sit on top of his house till dawn," and cut down any would be theives.
At this point, all composure among the staff was gone, but the coworker continued: duiring the day, this same hired gun would serve as the alarm system for the same Cadillac, lying in wait for people to get close to the vehicle, then emerging to yell, in car alarm loudness, "Geyone Outta Heah, Geyone Outta Heah, Git Git Git Git Git!!!"
Again, this may only be funny to me, based on the situation. But I'd never heard a $250,000 gambling win turn into a midget sniper story before, and I'm still laughing right now, so I figured it was at least worth mentioning here.