Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Fortress America

That’s what this reminds me of. Some Russian political science and economics professor has decided he is gonna make himself some money by telling the Russian people that the United States will dissolve sometime around 2010. He’s apparently making the circuit on Russia’s version of the news to say so. Somehow, even the White House got asked about this guy and the WSJ has decided to do a write up. (Hat Tip: Clicked)

Though I thought it would be an article about a crack-pot just by reading the blurbs and the WSJ’s intro, I didn’t get to laughing until I saw the map.

Apparently this guy "knows" enough about America to predict which years our nation will dissolve, but along the way he neglected to watch ESPN, read any American history or even give a nod to American religion. The map says it all.

Let’s start off close to home, shall we? The “Texas Republic” could indeed be (if it isn’t already operating, what with the “Western White House” in Crawford and all…), but the idea of it being influenced by Mexico is laughable. While the Lone Star Republic will do most of the dominating and influencing in that particular foreign policy, said republic’s boundaries also will not reach so far to the East.

Instead, take the old Texas maps, and expect the Lone Star Republic’s serious national influence to pretty much subsume Eastern New Mexico while Colorado comes along for the ride. I would expect Nebraska, Kansas and Oklahoma to yoke themselves to the Texas aegis quickly as well. Arkansas may need some convincing, but that won’t take long. The borders to the east and west will mainly center on the rivers – the Rio Grande in the west and the Mississippi in the east, as Louisiana knows their bread isn’t buttered in Atlanta. I would expect California, Texas and Mexico to challenge for influence in what was New Mexico, west of the Rio Grande. This configuration also does little to interrupt the fall football season, and provides for a re-emergence of the South West Conference without the tyranny of the NCAA to break it up.

Moving east, you begin to run into the Old Southern States, with economic power centralized in Appalachian cities (Birmingham, Nashville, Knoxville, Charlotte, Greenville and the dominating partner in all this, Atlanta). Mississippi will join because their cultural ties are stronger to the east than the west. Kentucky & West Virginia will be invited, and accept. Virginia, Missouri and Maryland will be invited to join, and will not accept. Florida may or may not be invited at all. A Second Confederacy will form, and will immediately begin debating what flag to use and what to actually call themselves. This will take years to resolve. Again, this configuration will do little to interrupt the fall football season, except that teams playing Florida will have to be issued passports.

Florida. Florida will also be invited to join the Texas Republic and the American Atlantic Republic (That will stretch from Virginia – who will regret not joining the Second Confederacy - to Maine, and will try to join the European Union). But Florida will become the Sunshine Republic, a stand alone entity on the coast. Just like the Louisiana Parishes to the east of the Mississippi River, who will band together to reform the Republic of West Florida.

The RWF, centered on New Orleans and including Baton Rouge, will set itself up as a Hong Kong-like free trade zone in order to keep from getting taken over by Atlanta or Texas. New embassies open up overnight, and the most important college football game becomes the Sugar Bowl as it pits the champions of the SEC from the east and the SWC from the west together at a truly ‘neutral’ site.

California will dominate the Pacific coast from Washington State to the Rio Grande. It will also take over Montana (because of Washington State’s importance) and Hawaii. It will fight wars with the Mormon Theocracy of Deseret (Utah, Wyoming, Northern Nevada, Idaho) over parts of Arizona and the city of Las Vegas.

The Mid-West will continue to try and join Canada, Texas, the American Atlantic states and California, only to be told no by all comers because of their high labor costs. They will fight a war with the Second Confederacy because the southerners laugh at them.

Empress Palin of the Alaskan Empire will order her troops to invade Canada.

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2 comments:

alli said...

Oh, Canada will take the Midwest. Carbondale is downright balmy compared to Calgary. It's like a built-in vacation spot.

And you'd be surprised how quickly labor costs become 'affordable' with high marginal tax rates and universal health care.

mominem said...

Canada would also probably disintegrate, with Quebec becoming part of Metropolitan France, splitting east and west Canada. Western Canada and much of the US west of the Rockies would probably join together.