Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Real Story Behind the Birthers

Lots of folks wondering about those "birther" whack-jobs. You know, the ones who think Barack Obama isn't a citizen of the United States, so the last election doesn't count?

To the untrained eye, it appears that these folks have really experienced some serious psychological trauma at having their worldveiw roundly rejected in free and fair elections.

But, in all honesty, it isn't their fault. Here's the hard, hard truth to swallow.

This whole "birther" thing is a carefully crafted and flawlessly executed plan by those of us at Super Secret Liberal Takeover Headquarters to kneecap the right wing. Yes, we are playing with fire by stirring up the hornet's nest of highly unstable, overly obsessive and well-armed individuals with massive hallucinations that their nation has somehow been "taken" from them (in free and fair elections), but the juice is worth the squeeze in the long run.

Look how easily one of our operatives was able to hijack a meeting of a Republican congressman! Note the lemming-like reaction to the demand to say the Pledge of Allegiance in the middle of a meeting, after they had doubtless already said it as the meeting convened. If you say the Pledge more than once during a meeting, you have officially jumped the shark. Note the slack-jawed, stunned reactions on the faces of those running the meetings who were there for more mundane and normal political organization.

Do you think it is a coincidence it was all caught on video and uploaded to the web within minutes? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED???

Fairly soon, no GOP representative or Senator will be able to hold public meetings without them running off the rails in such ways. The "birther" movement, in short, is a move to shut down the entire party apparatus of the Republicans from within.

Yes, yes, some GOP reps and Senators look like they are enjoying this sort of thing, trying to ride the coattails of this kind of fantasy to electoral victory. But those officials already represented hardened and well entrenched voting blocks of extremism.

It is the reasonable conservatives we want - those middle class Americans who used to be the backbone of the GOP. Sure, they dallied in the occassional corruption conspiracy or sex scandal drama, but look at today's pop culture, that kind of stuff sells in the mainstream. Sure, they're looking for "smaller government" and "tax justice," but after the 1994 to 2008 pattern of voting for the GOP and not getting what they asked for, they have to be demoralized and confused.

Into that situation, we stir up the really, really crazy folks, and the normal people leave the GOP faster than the homecoming queen bails on an X-Files convention.



GentillyGirl said...

ssshhh... You are not to devulge our secret plans Brother.

DADvocate said...

Yes, but the "normal people" won't go to the Democrats. That's no place for normal people.

Cousin Pat from Georgia said...

@GentillyGirl: No one reads this blog, good Sister, and even those who do don't believe me. :D

@DADvocate: The plan does not require the normal people to join us at Super Secret Liberal Takeover Headquarters, though we would welcome them if they landed here.

The three most expected results of this conspiracy is that they A) sit home on election day, B) force them to start a third party of their own, which will take time - sweet time or C) to step up and take their party back from the lunatic fringe.

While most others at SSLTHQ hope for A, I most definitely am rooting for C.