Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The War on Reality

Unsurprisingly, Christmas is "winning" the "War on Christmas" in America.

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So a nation where roughly 80%+ of the population identifies as Christian was worried that...

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No, wait. Gimmie a second.

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I'm so glad all those poor, oppressed, Christian people in America are finally strong enough to exert their demographic influence by expecting private institutions to cater to and respect their beliefs.

Because, really, this utter culture war nonsense "War on Christmas" has been so overblown by right wing douchebags successful, I'd almost forgot there was some sort of holiday coming up. You know, after this week's holiday. I have literally been wondering where all the Christmas-themes have gone from Novembers and Decembers in our culture.

But thanks to Bill O'Reilly's book revenue and the American Union of Folks Unhappy Laws Tolerate Un-Religious Dissent (AUFULTURD), our beautiful nation (sniff) can get back to the business of ramming our religion down the throats of others celebratin' the birthin' of the baby Jesus by buying a bunch of crap on credit. SOoo-ie, PIG!

AND TEH EBIL KENYAN ANTI-COLONIAL SOCIALIZMS CANT DO NOTHINGS ABOUT IT STOOPID LIBRULS 101!!01!!

And no, there wasn't any way I could respond to that news in a reasonable, mature manner.

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5 comments:

Dante said...

"I'm so glad all those poor, oppressed, Christian people in America are finally strong enough to exert their demographic influence by expecting private institutions to cater to and respect their beliefs."

Do you really think that private industry gives a shit about what people are whining over? The "War on Christmas" is being won with cold hard cash. Using Happy Holidays was designed to bring in more customers since not everyone celebrates Christmas, but it didn't work out that way so companies are going back to what does work: Merry Christmas! That's who is buying the stuff so that's who they're trying to keep happy. Don't like it? Come up with the buying power to stop it.

What offends me far more than stores catering to the largest religious festival in our country is them slapping a "Happy Holidays" on everything presuming that I must have some sort of holy day around then, too. Everyone does, right? Wrong. Jackass. Besides, doing the same thing and slapping another name on it doesn't mean I'm going to start celebrating with you. I'm ok with not being included. Really. I don't feel bad about myself or cry myself to sleep or any crap like that. My only complaint is the lack of open bars on the 24th and 25th. What I'm not ok with are these backhanded attempts to include me when I clearly want no part of it.

Cousin Pat from Georgia said...

Using Happy Holidays was designed to bring in more customers

Whatever. I used it interchangably for years, along with "Season's Greetings," and never thought it was controversial. I don't get offended that stores I don't shop in prostrate themselves at the altar of the mighty religious festival dollar.

I DO get offended when people in the majority demographic, who the entire system literally bows and scrapes to during this time of year, have the gall to tell me how threatened their way of life is - by people like me.

But the insincere, manufactured controversy over Christmas is just as marketing-centered for politics and culture as the decorations and music put on by the department stores are for toys made in China.

Because this is that time of year where many Christians feel the need to prove how Christian they are to other Christians.

And since our culture defines authenticity through suffering contests, those Christians who can demonstrate themselves as the biggest victims of the Romans...er...big, evil government, win.

Cashing in on that suffering, drivers of the "OHNOES THEY BE TAKIN MY JEBUS" meme can also stimulate book sales during the big retail seasons.

Dante said...

"I DO get offended when people in the majority demographic, who the entire system literally bows and scrapes to during this time of year, have the gall to tell me how threatened their way of life is - by people like me."

Pat, when did you get a high-falootin' marketing job? They were the ones out there slapping "Holidays" on everything. People like you are at best caught in a crossfire. By the way you continually internalize these sorts of issues, I think you're staging your own "suffering contest."

Cousin Pat from Georgia said...

Unlike the War on Christmas folks, I don't go out of my way to be subjected to this nonsense. It has a lot to do with who is really intruding upon who.

I've literally had people yell "MERRY CHRISTMAS" at me in an act of social aggression and defiance. While I can let an individual act roll of my back, the reasons for their behavior both intrigue and perplex me. I dare call their bull for what it is.

This is especially true when I am called to lend a sympathetic ear to some long suffering Christians in the South, upset that the big, bad, liberal government won't let them stage their nativity scene in someone else's way. As if in front of their own homes or churches isn't enough.

There will also be the usual, "neighborhood association tells resident they can't stage a live-birth nativity scene attended by 300 people and live camels" or some such nonsense held up as "proof" that this country's "elites" and "liberals" despise the baby Jesus and all churchgoers everywhere.

So, yeah, if this BS comes across my wire, it is getting called out.

Dante said...

Calling them out is one thing. Making it seem they're out to get you is something else entirely (and given the point of your piece, exceedingly ironic)... unless you're the one who told them they couldn't airdrop the commando camels and baby manger supertank into their "Christmas in Afghanistan" nativity scene. Then they may be out to get you after all and I rescind my point entirely.